Ignorance as a Spiritual Discipline?

One of the motivating factors of my pursuits in philosophy of religion has been fear of feeling foolish for my faith. Said another way, it is a desire for respect and approval from other frail foolish people. This fear proves I lack the faith I feel foolish for professing. Which makes me feel even more foolish, feeding a degenerative cycle, like my addiction, only less obvious to me (probably real obvious to others).

The alternative is to accept my ignorance of my Master, and hold my faith without clear understanding. Afterall, I can't really ever understand my Master. Even before His throne I will profess my ignorance of His glory and magesty, even seeing Him with my eyes, I won't comprehend His magnificence. Ignorance is simply accepting reality.

This does not mean I won't seek more knowledge and experience of my Master. It doesn't mean I won't seek answers to issues that others bring against my faith in my Master. What it means is that I won't let elusive answers cause me fear or shame.that would be a big step for me. I need to accept not knowing an answer to issues posed against faith in my Master. There is no better use of my time or abilities than to seek more of my Master. But I will no longer seek out of fear and shame.

The results I hope to experience with this spiritual discipline of ignorance is peace based on faith, and comfortable ignorance. It is a reflection of reality after all. It's not to my credit, but to my deficit that I would need such a discipline. Most believers may not agree with such a discipline, but they may not share my weakness of fear and pride. My particular set of frailties requires such a discipline.

The peace that comes from childish faith will endure regardless of 'advances' in human knowledge. Child-like is a term for adults afraid of seeming immature - I'm okay with my immaturity, like my ignorance. I can't have faith and fear that the faith is groundless. He two are mutually exclusive. I can have faith, seek understanding, and be comfortable in my ignorance. If you don't believe me, just watch and see how comfortably ignorant I can be.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for Highest, November 13 - Readings

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0

What? Am I already perfect?

So, does Chambers really think that I'm not saved unless I stop sinning? I doubt it. The main part of the entry sounds like it. But then he refers to 1 John 1:7, where the point is not perfection but fellowship. That makes more sense, but even John seems to go back and forth over this idea.

I am not perfect, nor have I had much perfection in my life with my Master. Has it only been in the past year that I have been saved? Has it been shorter since I have slipped since then? Or has my addiction been a struggle to repent within my life with my Master?

But regardless, when I think of what 2 Corinthians 5:17 means; the amazing thing that must have have happened for it to be true; then I am floored! How can I be a recipient of such blessing? A new creation? So what was once dear to me or major parts of my previous life are gone. My old errors are gone. That's amazing grace. And it isn't about timing, in the sense that I can get too bad for my Master's grace to reach.

The point Paul makes in 1 Corinthians 5:17 is that my Master has involved me in His ministry to reconcile the world to Himself. He has, in Christ, made atonement for my rebellious nature toward Him. And then He began to work on that nature to transform me into the image of His Son, Christ Jesus.

So, because I'm in Christ Jesus, I am a new thing, the old things passed, stuff has become new things. Just because I'm in my Master, not because I'm good enough, or attained some sort of spiritual maturity. Thank you, my Master.

Oswald Chambers - Readings - November 12

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0

No Questions Please

The account of Abraham asked to sacrifice Isaac is an amazing story.  In Genesis 22 the account is laid out from the command of Yahweh to the eventual provision of a ram.  The context of this story in the life of Abraham makes it even more remarkable.  Abraham has been promised that through Isaac will his promise from Yahweh be fulfilled.  And now he carries a torch and a knife, lays the wood on Isaac, and heads up a mountain to kill Isaac, the child of promise.  It had to be odd for Abraham, but he never questions his Master.

Chambers points out the amazing level of obedience in Abraham.  He goes the next day, he doesn’t get the insight of others, but he also doesn’t question Yahweh.  This is especially odd since Abraham is not above questioning his Master.  He questioned his Master about Sodom and Gomorrah.  He questioned his Master when Ishmael was not the chosen child.  He questioned his Master when he was initially told he would be the father of a great nation.  He questioned his Master all along before, but not here.  Told to sacrifice the child of promise, and now he doesn’t question. 

Even though Yahweh is specific; actually overly specific in his command, “take you son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac;” Abraham is giving up more than Isaac by obeying.  Yahweh made a covenant with Abraham that subordinated Yahweh to the promise, and yet here he asks Abraham to do something that would go back on that promise.  He asks Abraham to participate in that renege, and bring about the loss.  The context brings out a much more powerful loss than just of Abraham’s son, and Abraham doesn’t question.  “Here, help Me ruin your life, break My promise, and take away what is most precious to you.”  I would have a question.

So, for me, what would be at stake if it were I at this point?  Honestly, one of the first things that springs to mind is how I will explain this to others.  So, my first problem is people-pleasing again.  But I also squirm under such a command because it doesn’t fit my understanding of my Master.  It might not be Him commanding me.  So my second problem is limiting the character of my Master to only what I can imagine.  Lastly, I just want the boy alive.  I wouldn’t want to do it.  I would push back hard to defend what I hold precious.  So, another problem I have is idolatry.  The more I dig, the more problems I find in myself through this account.

Abraham had learned not to question.  He had learned through the previous questions that he could never master the character of his Master.  Can I accept that I will never really understand my Master?

Abraham learned from his attempts to work out the promise on his own that he could not accomplish the plans of his Master; only Yahweh accomplishes the plans of Yahweh.  Am I able to accept that, in obedience and submission, I largely play a spectator role?

Abraham had friends, he had servants, and his household was a family.  He takes one of his servants with him, and has him stay with the donkey while he goes up the mountain to worship with Isaac.  Abraham knows he won’t be coming down with Isaac and that they didn’t take a goat.  It won’t take a brilliant servant to figure out what happened up there.  The household of tight relationships will never be the same, and he goes anyway without question.  How can I be unquestionably obedient before my peers knowing what will happen?

I don’t like these areas of growth in my life.  I don’t want to grow in them; I want to maintain my independence in these areas.  But they cause a separation between me and my Master.  After seeing the command of my Master on Abraham, do I want to close that gap between us?  Do I want to be closer to such a God?

The end of the story is that Yahweh provided a ram for the offering.  The point at which He provided was at the point where the point of the knife was about to plunge into Isaac.  What if He hadn’t provided the ram?  Can I follow through in my obedience without the expectation that my Master will take away the consequences of my obedience? 

I have been down part of this road already.  The process my Master led me through to get to Nevada touched some of these points.  But the lesson of accepting the character of my Master as He is, not as I want Him to be is one I have left before me.  I sense that I have assumptions, unconfessed frameworks of my own manufacture, that I use to view and interact with my Master.  Those will need to go.  I don’t know when or how, but I know my Master will not leave them in place.  When the lesson comes, I don’t want to question.  That would mean I have yet another lesson after that one…oh wait, yeah, never mind.  Duh me, of course I have lots of lessons ahead of me.  Well, I have my pencil and paper for notes, I will have a good breakfast, and I’m ready for the test, I think.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 11

Ambitionless Advancement: A Spectator Sport

I found today’s entry in MUFHH encouraging, but probably for the wrong reason.  I have always had very “fuzzy” ambition.  I have proceeded through my life meandering from one thing to another, and looking back I have often thought I should have picked a career and stuck with it early.  I thought I was with ministry but found out otherwise.  I have been the longest at my current job, and I have been at my current position the whole time.  I feel some shame from that because I think that I should be “further along” in my career path at my age.  But this entry begins by saying otherwise.

Wanting to get ahead and promoted because I think that’s what supposed to happen is different than having some burning passion for advancement fueling schemes and so on.  When my work offered to let me stay on and work remotely, that was all the promotion I needed.  My wife probably makes more money than I do with all the promotions she received to come out here, but I’m happy doing the work I do like I’m doing it.  It’s not like I’m likely to get an offer to move up in my world into something executive or managerial; not working remotely like this, I’d have to return.  I can’t, or won’t.  Either way, I’m at my ceiling, and that’s cool.

The way Chambers puts it, if I’m not able to articulate my “aim in life” I am more available to my Master for His aim for my life.  That sums it up.  He brought my family out here and provided everything to make it happen.  And He provided at an astonishing level.  We wanted for nothing.  We have had to reduce down the stuff of our lives, but He even provided for that.  But I was ready to move without His provision being obvious.  I really didn’t see some of what He had in store until I surrendered my attempt to provide for myself.  I had to be willing to move with no provision in sight to an area without jobs, and I was.

And I say this not to brag.  It was a long hard work of my Master to bring me to such a place, and what happens here is really beyond my understanding.  I don’t get it most of the time, and my only contribution is reply to my Master, “Okay, whatever, let’s go” which is not that huge a leap of faith really.  It’s just I wasn’t even at that place not so long ago.  So, this is really not much to my credit.  I simply became willing to watch what my Master would do, and will do.  I suppose that is a leap of faith for me, but I know plenty of others for whom that has been a way of life.

Not having my own agenda means that I am available for my Master’s agenda.  That’s the point I walked away with from Chambers’ entry.  I look at my life and see that this point has proved true in my life.  And because I have seen the truth of it, I have also been blessed to see my Master’s hand do the amazing things He has.  I also look forward to what happens next.  I have my multi-tool, my steel-toed insulated boots, old baggy jeans, sweatshirt, and warm hat.  Time to pray!

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 10

Revisiting A Pet Peeve

Personality-based ministries are one of my pet peeves.  I know it’s a prejudice, but I distrust them intensely.  It has been very difficult for me to accept Rick Warren.  I’m still not entirely sold on Bill Hybels.  I never trusted Joel Olsteen, from the moment someone mentioned his success in Houston to me.  This is not my morning to remember names it seems, but suffice it to say that when a human name is mentioned in relation to a ministry before my Master I’m not their friend, not initially.  And no, that’s not fair, and yes, I know that’s a human prejudice.

I see in the entry this morning a real good support for this view, except that I’m not sure I really understand the point.  It sounds like Chambers is saying that unless sermons on salvation are preached, only the preacher is glorified.  That can’t be right, but I’m wrestling with what Chambers meant by, “If we preach the effects of Redemption in human life instead of the revelation regarding Jesus, the result in those who listen is not new birth, but refined spiritual culture, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in another domain.”  I’m not sure what he means by effects of Redemption in human life.

I don’t think that the effects of Redemption should be the focus of ministry, but if change does not happen as a result of Redemption, then was the person redeemed?  If the Spirit of my Master is not able to affect change, is He present in that person’s life?  The results of Redemption should point to the person of Jesus.  The results of Redemption should be so dramatic they can’t be ascribed to human effort.  And this does not mean that a person must become perfect after being redeemed.  I am ample proof of that; I would have been discarded long ago.

But when Chambers says that, if after a sermon, people go on and on about the preacher rather than my Master, there’s a problem.  He says something very interesting, “What a wonderful personality! What a fascinating man! Such marvellous insight! What chance has the Gospel of God through all that?”  I believe it is the nature of people to look no further than the sphere of their eyesight for something to worship.  But I also believe it is in the heart of people to desire more from their worship than can be found on the ground they walk.  People want a priest who will go before God on their behalf so they won’t have to; to be holy for them.

Can you imagine the pain my Master feels when those He gave so much to enable to enter His presence instead send another?  When I can’t be bothered, or I am ashamed of my sin I refuse to give up, or when I am afraid of losing my identity on a cross, I lose far more than I am able to retain.  I hurt the heart of my Master, I lose the peace and joy He has for me, and I reject any use I may be in His Kingdom.  It is the sacrifice of my Master that provides the example I am to follow, and it leads into His presence.  The goal, the place the journey leads, is into His presence.  It’s not about the journey; it is truly about the destination.

Paul, my frustrating and intimidating ministry model, says that he makes up in his body what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ.  I wrestle with what that means.  I struggle with thinking there is something lacking in the sufferings of Christ, even as Paul suffers over the church, the body of Christ.  He sees his role in ministry not about himself at all, but about his Master and his Master’s body, the church.  He endures whatever he must to care for his Master’s body.  So, here, the ends justify the means.  Another cliché that, in this context, becomes true.  So it is about the destination rather than the journey, and the ends justify the means.  Perhaps only when the destination and ends are Jesus.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 9

Prayers, The Spirit, and Stage Productions

I have both been comforted and afraid through Romans 8:26.  There is a comfort in knowing that the Spirit of my Master works to express what I cannot, making up for what I cannot pray because I’m so limited.  When I wonder what I can do for someone with my feeble prayers, the comfort of the working Spirit of my Master gives me confidence.  I know that it’s not what I pray, but what He prays that makes the difference.  I become a vessel through which my Master’s Spirit works, but I know the work is His.

But this also scares me.  There is a degree to which I am unconscious of the works of my Master’s Spirit.   It is like being on stage facing forward, but the real show is behind me and I have no idea what is happening.  Is the crowd laughing at me or the show behind me?  The fear stems from a desire to have control and attention, but neither belongs to me.  The verse uses a few very rare words, used twice and once in the Christian Scriptures.  The first is normally translated as “help” but means “to grasp together with.”  This is what my Master’s Spirit does, grasps my weaknesses along with me.  He pulls and works alongside me, not without me.

The second word surprised me.  What is normally translated as “intercedes” or “intercession” is used only in this verse in the Christian Scriptures, and literally combines two words: the preposition “under”, and the verb “to meet with and have a chat.”  The preposition’s use in Greek was usually to indicate something done on another’s behalf.  So, my Master’s Spirit meets with my Master over coffee and they talk, about me.  It’s like my Master having a conversation with Himself to a degree, but on the divine level, that’s the best way to describe the level of intimacy my Master has with my weaknesses.

So, the Maker of stars, the One reforming matter into the indescribable and unimaginable, is intimately acquainted and interested in my weaknesses.  And not just mine, this level of intimacy is carried out across all life, in the same way He is intimate with quarks, neutrons, electrons, and protons.  And all this intimacy takes place all at the same time.  What was I worried about again?  I was just afraid of something, but it’s fading really fast.  Something about being on a stage, some sort of show going on behind me.  What a foolish man, turn around, idiot!  Enjoy the show!

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 8