What Is My Life About?

And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20 NASB)

So, we're studying "Multiply" by Francis Chan in our church small groups, including mine.  We're using materials for the first time, and I'm not wild about that.  It's good stuff though.  The basic premise is that we as individuals and as churches are supposed to be about discipling others.  The basic passage to base such a base upon is the Great Commission.

So, I studied Matthew 28:18-20 in some detail (part of which I posted over the weekend).  So, here's what I found:

Jesus' authority substantiates the command to disciple others in the midst of living a life of submission to Him, discipling made up of obtaining the disciple's commitment through baptism and teaching them to guard everything Jesus taught through Scripture, all carried out in the presence of Jesus.

That's what I got from the passage.  What I'm getting from the book is that this is fairly easy to understand, and fairly difficult to carry out.  The element that disciple-making is every believer's job is repeated throughout because it's never really accepted by believers.  It's weird why that is, but it's so true in our Western, especially American, culture.  As I write this lying on my couch in front of the TV...no, just kidding.

The inescapable element supporting all the rest is Jesus' declaration that all authority (in heaven and on earth) has been given to Him.  Why all the arguments inspiring believers to do this don't also focus on this central element is odd to me.  Not to intentionally beat a dead horse, but it's all about obedience and submission.  I don't think that horse is anywhere near dead unfortunately.

It is still about me dying to myself, my desires, my wishes, and my dreams; and rising again to take on Him as my Master, His desires, His wishes, and His dreams as my own.  I want my stuff, what's wrong with my stuff?  Besides the fact that it's empty, without substance, uninformed, and lame; nothing's wrong with my stuff.  Compared to the riches of the Master of the universe, though, the question should be why wouldn't I want His stuff?  I don't ask that question enough, except the form of, 'what was I thinking?'  I ask that one a lot, often accompanied by a slap to the head (also known as a V-8).

If I'm reading this correctly, the purpose of my life as defined by my Master is to obediently make disciples as He guides the course of my life lived in His presence, getting the commitment of baptism from them, and teaching them to guard Scripture.

That's my purpose.  So when I have to decide what to do, I should be holding up the 'stick' of obediently making disciples' to see which choice fits within that boundary.  Once I have that set of options, then I can follow whatever process to determine which one of those my Master has for me.  The first unit of measurement, though, should be disciple-making.

Now, about my job...hmm.

Counting, Reconciling, and Measuring Devotion

In Luke 14:28, Jesus tells those around him that the cost of discipleship should be counted first.  Chambers says that the cost is that cost Jesus counted in 30 years of life, 3 years of ministry, scandal and suffering on the cross.  He then proceeds to explain that this discipleship is open only to those in whom Jesus has done everything.  That is the statement where he looses me. 

When Jesus is speaking of discipleship He leads up to His statement to count the cost with statements that unless someone hate his (list family members here) that they cannot be His disciple, and then that they must take up their cross daily and follow Him.  The problem I have is probably with the archaic wording, but still, I’m not sure how someone who loves Jesus so much that all other relationships would be as hate compared is an implication that Jesus has done everything in them.  Does he mean that Jesus finished everything in them?  I thought that happened in heaven.  Or does Chambers mean that whatever has gotten these to that point of devotion has been done by Jesus.  I think that is what he means, but then my question is, “Does that mean that first I am saved, and then, later on, after I have achieved some level of spiritual maturity, become a disciple?”

I suspect rather that Jesus uses me as a disciple with effects limited to the level of devotion He has led me into.  The reason I say this is because in the context of Jesus’ statement, He already has disciples present, and I don’t think they are at this level He describes, and are probably shocked to hear Him say it.  He says these things in response to all these people wanting to follow but because He is the next big thing, not because they have any real devotion to Him specifically.  He is the flavor of the day, at least until he mentions something about taking up a cross.  That sort of ruins the moment for them.

On the other hand, Jesus does say to count the cost of hating family and carrying crosses before volunteering for discipleship.  Regardless of what the disciples present thought of that statement, Jesus said it.  Sure the disciples had left homes, families, and so on to follow Jesus, and it was not a great money-making enterprise.  Did that qualify them?  Was that level of commitment congruent with what Jesus meant when He said hate your family compared to how much you love me?  If so, it makes this level of devotion a lot easier for me to envision.  In fact, it’s not until Jesus rises from the dead that these guys go off the map devotionally, at least in my estimation. 

Jesus wants all of me.  He wants me to be totally committed to Him.  I confess that I am not there yet.  He is leading me into deeper water with Himself, and I love it and am scared by it.  I want what I think would be great, but also have seen enough to know that what He wants is better.  When we moved out here I had to release all my fears and stress into Him, and commit the care of my family’s financial and health care into His hands before He provided a job.  We had moved anyway.  We came out here with no job and little in the way of provision for the house we had bought, the mortgage we had, and the monthly medical needs we already had.  I would think that the level of devotion we demonstrated qualifies us for this description of discipleship.  Yet, my sinful patterns were still present.  I still struggled with things that nearly wrecked my job, my marriage, and any opportunities I may have with ministry.  My quandary is how I can be devoted enough to move lock, stock, and barrel to another state, and yet fail so miserably in my obsessions and habitual sins.

So here we are again.  We pack the truck on June 25, again, lock, stock, and barrel.  We have no house, no job, and no real tangible prospects.  I am hoping for something I do not yet see at work, yet do not really know if the hope comes from my Master.  My in-laws are looking about for a house for us, but are still in the process.  There are loose ends to this move that should terrify me, but don’t.  Sure I feel some stress, but it is minor.  I am ready to go even without my hope fulfilled at work.  I am ready to go, even to live with my in-laws for a time until another living circumstance can be found.

But I know that my patterns are not yet dead.  I know that the well-worn paths I have developed over so many years, I still have to purposely avoid.  The evil senseless passions are not so deep they are powerless.  I sense the thought flit through my mind at times.  And while they are not strong, every once in a while they make a determined assault and I feel the compulsion surge up within me.  I praise my Master that He has been with me through them, close enough that I reached for Him as I should.  I was reminded that I am loved, protected, but that I am also at His service.  These things have protected my heart and mind, yet even so, not perfectly.  I have dabbled before I was able to shake my mind loose.  I have sat in a trance with the swirling desires in my mind, trying to keep them from my hands, seeking to reach out to my Master within the struggle.  So far I have experienced victory.  But I know that through this adventure the times will come when I am weak, when my hopes and fears collide, when I am challenged by family to make something happen.  What sort of disciple will I be then?

So, I am partially there as a disciple, and my Master has “done” a lot in me, yet not everything He intends (at least I hope not).  I believe that, at the level the disciples who were present when He made the statement of cost, I am a disciple, and that my Master has drawn me into that level of service.  I believe that I have been given a title of Servant to the King, and I am at His service.  I know the next few months will be a test of my devotion, and I believe that my Master has prepared me.  I will show whether I am a Knight of His Realm or a knave.  But I also know that I am loved regardless.  I know that my Master has my back, regardless of who assaults me.  I know that I am at His service before even before service to my family.  That is a lot to know, and knowledge has a level of responsibility which goes with it.  Keep reading.  Let’s see if it’s true or not.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 7th.