Walking With My Eyes Open

This one of those entries in My Utmost For His Highest where I get somewhat lost in Chambers thought trail.  He starts out about being true to the vision God has given 24/7 and then, in mid-sentence/paragraph somewhere, switches to waiting for the vision.  The idea he is getting at he wraps up at the end, and I get what he was saying.  I suspect this is one of those entries heavily edited by his wife to fit within a page.

In any case, the idea is where he uses the phrase, "My utmost for God's highest," so I assume it's a pivotal entry.  The passage he works from is Acts 26, a speech by my buddy Paul to one of those rulers who hear him before he heads off to Rome to appear before Caesar.  It seems more for the rulers entertainment since neither of these guys can do anything to release him after he has appealed to Caesar.  In this speech he says that he was not disobedient to the heavenly vision (the one he received on the road to Damascus).  This statement is his transition from what happened to him to change him into what has gone on since.  It forms the segue into how he got there, capping off the reason why he would be there at all.

I do not have such an experience.  I was not knocked off my feet by a vision of Jesus in heaven asking me what I was doing, and why I was kicking goads.  He probably didn't want to explain what goads were, it would totally ruin the whole mood of the event.  No, there were no bright blinding lights, or voices for me.  For me, I felt two calls in two very similar settings.  Between them I discovered this book, the Bible had a lot more in it than I was taught in childhood.  It was an unsettling discovery, because I began asking questions that none of the older people around me would answer.  They seemed bothered by them.  The sequence goes something like this:

1. In Jr. High (Middle School), felt God calling me to preach while on a church youth group trip
2. Ignore call through High School
3. In the Army discover that the Bible has more in it than I first thought and am troubled by what I find
4. Ask those around me who taught me growing up, but they do not answer (I think they know but it troubles them too)
5. Receive the same call again while on a youth trip, this time as an adult counselor

At this point, I began to switch up my goals and direction in schooling.  It wasn't easy, and cost more than money (but it cost a lot of that too).  One of the colleges I attended had a strong religion program.  I sort of expected the same response to my questions, so, initially, I didn't ask.  But there, in my class, my teachers began asking these questions of us!  I laughed (it wasn't an appropriate time to laugh, but I was used to that).  I was validated and challenged to delve into this area of the Bible my former leaders would not go with me (don't get me wrong, it wasn't all that profitable a pursuit, it was fun and interesting - I have always been blessed to be led by amazing godly people who seemed to have better things to do than pursue biblical minutia for entertainment purposes).  I had two seemingly diametrically opposed skills while in school.  I was adept at using computers, and studying the Bible.

So, the vision I received was an odd picture or reflection in a pool where I kept touching the water and warping the view.  I believe that is partly what Chambers is talking about.  Wait for God to finish the vision before diving into the water.  Then, once you finally receive it, jump in, dive deep, and swim for the rest of your life here on earth.  So, I have been in and out of the water a lot (and it's always cold when I first get out).  I have returned to the pool again and again in hopes of seeing the vision complete.  I believe that my current situation is part of that pool-side vigil.  I wait for the next thing my Master gives me.  The house proceeds through the sales process, and we, look at options for renting locally until my daughter finishes school.  But beyond that we have no clear call to leave, and so, since we are here, we examine options to stay.  It's surreal, but I believe that is what my Master is calling me to do.  I wait for the vision, or the next part of it with an open available life.  I worship the great Master of all things which keeps me mindful of Who I am waiting on.  And I walk before Him because my day requires me to engage with this situation in which He has placed me.  So, today, I again walk, looking for the evidence of the next part of the vision.  I walk with eyes open, head up and looking about me, ears open (no headphones), and mind alert.  I wonder what my Master will show me today.